Like it or not, we are all ageing each moment. Pores get bigger, moisture and luminosity are harder to maintain. Having mature skin doesn't mean we can't look fabulous! It is all about how well you are treating your skin and makeup is best to be worn (if at all) on well cared skin.I am not a make-up professional but a great believer in skin care which includes proper cleansing, exfoliating and moisturising. I am not an expert in makeup but skin prep is essential if you do feel the need to 'put on a face'. There are many reasons for women of a certain age to apply makeup such as to look better, to feel more confident, to help face the day, etc... and my reasons for make up is to colour up, cover up, brighten up, shape up and glam up. For normal to dry skin, always moisturise prior to applying foundation and if you have oily skin, use a primer to make sure the foundation stays in place. Make up with SPF is not a substitute for proper sunscreen as your ears, neck, chest, and hands are exposed but not getting make-up.
As we get older, our skin doesn't hold onto hydration like it used to so establish a skin care routine is absolutely necessary. Use a cleanser that doesn't disturb your skin's pH balance. Do you apply moisturiser upon waking up and before going to bed? Do you apply a face mask at least once a week? It is best to apply masks after exfoliation to allow the ingredients to sink . Use a serum (rich in hyaluronic acid) before your night cream for 24 hour moisturization.
All make up is not created equal so please choose wisely when it comes to brands. Here are some tips which I gather first hand to share with you:
Older eyebrows are often sparse, over-plucked, faded in colour or even non-existent. Best to shape and tidy them like you do to your hair using tweezers. I would avoid microblading or having them tattooed in place as a permanent feature . Nicely shaped eyebrows are the best instant fix for an older face.
Older eyelashes may be short and stumpy or thin and sparse. I suggest curling them and use a good mascara to bring out your full lashes and maybe consider dyeing them from time to time.
Your eyes may look undefined and your lips are thin and colourless. Know your colours and stick to the warm or cool tone. Warm tones need peachy pinks, orangey browns or scarlet reds while cool tones look best in true pinks like rose, fuscia or cherry red.
There will be all the natural signs of ageing on your face such as wrinkles, age spots, sagging jawline and marionette lines at the side of the mouth. To cover up uneven and patchy skin and to create an all over consistency, foundation and concealer come to our rescue. My take is to adhere to your skin care regiment, and never ever take the risk of going under the knife.
I personally don't rely on makeup to look more youthful but I do take care of my skin to increase hydration, retain moisture, and minimise the appearance of unevenness and discolouration. A good foundation and creamy concealer can work magic. Make sure you use a dab of translucent powder to the areas you have concealed to set and mattify it so that it looks more natural. To banish the 'stale and pale' look, use a highlighter followed by a blusher. To nourish your skin, you may even consider taking supplements which include B-vitamin Biotin or the protein Collagen, or adding organic protein powders yo your diet. I love face oil for the readily absorbing feature (I have super dry skin) and I am using organic, natural 100% pure oils like argan, calendula, coconut, rosehip and sea buckthorn to remove buildup and environmental pollutants while giving my skin a deep conditioning treatment at the same time.
I don't generally wear makeup at all unless I have a photo shoot, a more formal function to attend or having a presentation to deliver. The skin requires breathing and clogging it with layers of products is the last thing I need. The main thing is to look your best without appearing too heavily made-up.
Do you wear make up? Why do you think you need it?
6/24/2019
6/19/2019
Are you Alone or Lonely?
I am 50, single, living alone, and loving it. I know this is not for everyone and it could be a stigma for some societies when a lone older woman is ostracised as someone unattractive, undesirable and even insane.
Being unattached could be a nightmare for some but an absolute bliss to me. I enjoy my freedom too much.
I am alone but not lonely. There is a huge difference between the two.
I never travel with anyone. I hate checking in with others. I need the space and be able to do whatever I want when I want, without having to compromise. That is my definition of travelling.
Do I miss sex? No. I had my fair share in my 20's. Occasional fling when I travel? Yes. But not good enough to sacrifice my very happy single state for. I have stopped looking since mid 30's as the reluctance to look for love by somebody outweighs my need to find anyone who would fit into my life without ruining it. I prefer to think of myself as strongly independent. I love the spontaneity that being single allows. I get to live my best authentic life on my own.
I have learnt to be happy in my own company since I was little and as I am now much older, my self-containment and sufficiency have somehow crossed the line into being set in my ways. I like coming home to my own quiet sanctuary and not having to check in with anyone, fighting over what to have for dinner or the remote control.
My only concern is that there will be physical challenges to overcome sooner or later. My best bet is that I'll either move into an elderly home or become actively involved in communities which offer welfare services and programs to older women, while using technology for social interaction. There will be internet forums and facebook groups to hook up with like minded souls. Senior co-housing with friends would be something worthy to check out if you like the idea of living in a community with lots of privacy, costs less than living in a nursing home or assisted living.
I have been wondering about the people in my life who I counted as friends. What constitutes true friends and why we have different friends and/ or amount of friends at different times of our lives?The meaning of friendship changes throughout our life span. Friendship requires effort and nurturing. I used to be fiercely loyal to my circle of friends during my uni years but unfortunately we have drifted apart as we lead different lifestyles. We are under no obligation to bow endlessly to the wishes of another person. The world doesn't revolve around your friends and life goes on regardless. A friendship needs to be sustained by vivid interest on both sides. I no longer manage to have a decent conversation with those who are married with kids. We speak a different language and losing interests in each others' lives is the culprit. We are no longer who we once were. Yes, I have saved the memory of my former best friends to my memory bank but I have to accept that some friendships are not meant to last forever.
We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason. Think of the population and your encounter with the few out of the billions. Romantic or platonic, not all encounters are supposed to last forever. I have met a lot of 'bridges' in my life, they were there as a stepping stone, transporting me to the next level of my life journey. I came to know myself so much better after a 7 year relationship with a man whom I never had the intention to marry. Then there are 'road-blocks', they came to delay me into something better if I could just use a little patience. I have many 'teachers' throughout the years and they are there to teach me important life lessons. I have had heartbreaking experiences and there are the 'angels' who appear in my life to protect me in times of difficulties, needs and desperation. Some people are 'guideposts', representing and symbolising something that I want. And finally there are people who are my 'tribe', who see me and accept me for who I am , those who are here to stay for the long haul. So I suggest you consider the role each one of your 'friends' plays and be willing to let go when the time comes. You will always have yourself for support!
Being unattached could be a nightmare for some but an absolute bliss to me. I enjoy my freedom too much.
I am alone but not lonely. There is a huge difference between the two.
I never travel with anyone. I hate checking in with others. I need the space and be able to do whatever I want when I want, without having to compromise. That is my definition of travelling.
Do I miss sex? No. I had my fair share in my 20's. Occasional fling when I travel? Yes. But not good enough to sacrifice my very happy single state for. I have stopped looking since mid 30's as the reluctance to look for love by somebody outweighs my need to find anyone who would fit into my life without ruining it. I prefer to think of myself as strongly independent. I love the spontaneity that being single allows. I get to live my best authentic life on my own.
I have learnt to be happy in my own company since I was little and as I am now much older, my self-containment and sufficiency have somehow crossed the line into being set in my ways. I like coming home to my own quiet sanctuary and not having to check in with anyone, fighting over what to have for dinner or the remote control.
My only concern is that there will be physical challenges to overcome sooner or later. My best bet is that I'll either move into an elderly home or become actively involved in communities which offer welfare services and programs to older women, while using technology for social interaction. There will be internet forums and facebook groups to hook up with like minded souls. Senior co-housing with friends would be something worthy to check out if you like the idea of living in a community with lots of privacy, costs less than living in a nursing home or assisted living.
I have been wondering about the people in my life who I counted as friends. What constitutes true friends and why we have different friends and/ or amount of friends at different times of our lives?The meaning of friendship changes throughout our life span. Friendship requires effort and nurturing. I used to be fiercely loyal to my circle of friends during my uni years but unfortunately we have drifted apart as we lead different lifestyles. We are under no obligation to bow endlessly to the wishes of another person. The world doesn't revolve around your friends and life goes on regardless. A friendship needs to be sustained by vivid interest on both sides. I no longer manage to have a decent conversation with those who are married with kids. We speak a different language and losing interests in each others' lives is the culprit. We are no longer who we once were. Yes, I have saved the memory of my former best friends to my memory bank but I have to accept that some friendships are not meant to last forever.
We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason. Think of the population and your encounter with the few out of the billions. Romantic or platonic, not all encounters are supposed to last forever. I have met a lot of 'bridges' in my life, they were there as a stepping stone, transporting me to the next level of my life journey. I came to know myself so much better after a 7 year relationship with a man whom I never had the intention to marry. Then there are 'road-blocks', they came to delay me into something better if I could just use a little patience. I have many 'teachers' throughout the years and they are there to teach me important life lessons. I have had heartbreaking experiences and there are the 'angels' who appear in my life to protect me in times of difficulties, needs and desperation. Some people are 'guideposts', representing and symbolising something that I want. And finally there are people who are my 'tribe', who see me and accept me for who I am , those who are here to stay for the long haul. So I suggest you consider the role each one of your 'friends' plays and be willing to let go when the time comes. You will always have yourself for support!
6/10/2019
Traveling SOLO doesn't stop at 50
I have known people who never travelled alone who questioned my sanity when I told them that I never travelled accompanied because it ain't travelling anymore! Sure we have very different definitions of travelling but please allow me to explain why I love travelling alone, and it doesn't stop at midlife. To some people, it is a selfish act when the only person you need to think about is yourself but there is nothing wrong with that as long as you respect others and their freedom to choose.
Getting out of Hong Kong at least once a year is a prerequisite to my wellbeing. Life gets stale and need refreshing every so often. I have never liked this city (or any other cities) due to the political situation, the tropical weather, the lack of space, the size of the population and the relentless noise, let alone an influx of mainland Chinese gathering in this city of 8 billion people, shopping in suitcases everywhere you go. I was brought up in Melbourne, migrated to Toronto for a while, took long sabbaticals regularly in the UK, Scotland, France, Iceland, and I am about to leave for Finland in a couple of weeks for a change of scenery and some fresh air. To be honest, I hate flying and the logistic parts involved but the escape is so worthy despite the discomfort sitting in a confined area for over 10 hours, , being interrogated at the custom and jet lag from long haul flights which take me weeks to recover.
I love how exposing myself to interesting and unfamiliar sights, sounds and tastes when travelling alone make me a changed person, every time. Never much of a sightseeing person, I prefer immersing myself in another culture and live like the locals. Taking the road less travelled. So here are some of my reasons why I love travelling solo:
- It is simple as I don't need to coordinate with another person who has a family to feed or who believe he/ she is indispensable at work to take time off to travel. I have complete freedom to make my own itinerary and all the decisions that ensue.
- I am not going to sacrifice my dream of husky-sledding when none of my friends are interested. It is on my bucket list!
- I am my best company when I have the means to truly listen to my own thoughts and entertain my own dreams. I get to experience the world unfiltered by anyone's chatter or perspective.
- I get to meet people who share my hopes and fears.
- I can do anything I want and say no to what I don't because I am not obliged to entertain / answer to anyone but myself.
- It is an empowering experience as the trip inspire me to tackle things in life I would otherwise avoid to try.
- I am always learning through my experiences (good and bad) when I travel alone.
- Knowing that I am capable to survive (and thrive) on my own is confidence boosting.
- I play a different role by becoming who I want to be. No one knows me and they only see who I am today without my background.
- I learn about my limitations and become more forgiving . I love myself more in the process.
- I learn about forward thinking and the importance of flexibility when I need to come up with feasible solutions to different scenarios that crop up when things don't go the way I have wanted.
- I am the only person to blame and responsible for.
- I do enjoy listening to and speaking a different language, even just a couple of phrases.
- My confidence soars as I prove to myself that I can take on new challenges and deal with problems. I learn to work out contingency plans when I am not getting what I want or getting what you don't want and be happy nevertheless.
- Experiencing the unknown is mind-opening. I get to test my assumptions and challenge my beliefs when I allow myself to be vulnerable.
- I am less reluctant to reach out for help and be more trusting.
- I learn to face and overcome my fears . I am aware that I can't control everything and that's part of the adventure of my choice.
- I learn to live with less which leads me to figure out what matters most to me.
- I can use the time alone to unwind, meditate, or pursue my passions and interests.
- Travel as much as possible while you can still do it before our body parts disappoint us.
I see travelling alone as a way to get away from what I know. I have to say goodbye to things I am familiar with , get my ass out of the comfort zone and place myself in the middle of chaos on purpose. I choose to become a foreigner, an outsider, a refugee. New experiences are the reason we live. I was head over heels with Scotland and even had a book written about it. And then it is a gateway to begin all over again when I refuse to resign myself to the ordinary and mediocrity. Sometimes we need a physical escape not only from whatever city we live in but also one from the familiar day-to-day interactions. Distancing myself from friends and families could be exactly what I need to appreciate their existence. I also become a better person being a global citizen with more understanding and empathy.
Have you planned your next trip yet?
6/03/2019
Feeling invisible or irrelevant?
I don't know about you but I do feel ignored and under-served from time to time and I wondered if there was something wrong with me. Am I not sharp and eccentric enough to catch people's attention? Am I ageing so quickly that no-body gives a shit to this woman of a certain age anymore? And on a serious note, if I am to remain invisible, I won't be hired or valued in this society when youth and green are much sought after. It hurts when others behave in a way that makes me feel that I have nothing worthwhile to contribute to civilisation, completely blinded to my personality and abilities. I am not expecting catcalls and whistles but invisibility cloaks my ability to be validated in meaningful ways. The yardstick used to measure a woman's value is so vain and superficial!
Ageism is a problem on a global scale. Why on earth was the word coined in the first place otherwise? But no one should be denied a job or opportunities due to our age when we have so much wisdom and life experiences to offer and bring to the table after treading the earth for 50+ years. No beauty products out there would deliver the promise of turning us back to our 20's because it is all about our attitude and consciousness.
I am pretty selective when it comes to befriending women in particular and I must admit I admire those who take a stance and choose for themselves. Knowing that we are enough just as we are. As a solopreneur myself, I bow to those who thrive on their own terms, comfortable with fluidity and their ever evolving natures. These are the women who can't be invisible but stand out in the crowd shining with pride and celebrating success.
There is no such thing as age-appropriateness or agelessness. Trained as a personal stylist, I know exactly what suits and what not and I hardly spend much time coordinating my outfit before heading out the door. I am relaxed and happy about my imperfections and limitations in the reflection of the mirror. I give myself the permission to age on my own terms. I am fully aware of the fact that I ain't no spring chicken anymore but relish a more mature me. I wear what I love and constantly seeking to try something new. Quality is what I look for these days (as opposed to quantity). Right now I am proactively looking for work or what am I sticking around for? I can only binge watch CSI for so long but I definitely need a purpose to make my days meaningful. I find myself travelling the uncharted territory more often, focusing on the journey while being content with mediocrity. So what if I am a dabber / scanner? I don't have to be a master in everything I do!
I do believe I have the power to shape some part of my reality. Every time I learn something new or develop a new habit I bend reality. I shape the world around myself to my own liking. My current circumstances are less than ideal but every body has problems and I learn to deal with my failures and fuck-ups, knowing that this too shall pass.
If you have known me for quite some time, I have no appetite to fight my ageing self. On the other hand, I wear my birth date on my skin for everyone to see. My age is not a secret and I know deep down I have earned my less than perfect face and body. There are more medical problems one can handle but this is what machines do. They don't run like new and body parts / organs rust with time.
So what is there to relish being a woman at 50?
My vulnerability and ignorance
Spontaneity
Resilience
Bright and articulate
A writer whose words inspire and encourage
A prolific creator
Honesty and transparency
Authenticity
Comfortable in my own skin
Highly organised
A natural born teacher / leader
Fearless to changes
Courageous
Adventurous
My imperfect beauty
Speaking my mind and standing up to my beliefs
Creativity
Resourceful
A fierce warrior
And what are yours?
5/27/2019
Tattoos and Skinhead at 50
People get addicted to lots of things.
Smoking, drinking, shopping, new shiny gadgets, cars, real estates, etc...
And I am truly addicted to tattoos. Not that I need to have one every year or so or that I miss the experience of a second degree burn, I simply love the art form inked on my body, knowing that it is going to last as long as I live. Something that truly belongs to me for the rest of my life when everything else is temporary and fleeting.
I had my first tattoo on my 30th birthday as a birthday gift from my then best friend in Australia. Considering it was 20 years ago when technology wasn't as advanced, it was an excruciatingly painful process that lasted 45 minutes. I picked a diving mermaid on my back and I had to go back the second time for the colouring. I was in tears of pain but forgot about it as soon as I looked into the mirror. The decision for the graphic was spontaneous. I didn't think about it before committing to it. Only later did I found out that the symbol of a mermaid speaks to my soul. Under my skin is a being of freedom, someone who is fearless, powerful, unstoppable and beautiful. I am a mermaid.
Fast forward 18 years and I got 2 more tattoos during my sabbatical in Iceland with one of the best tattoo artists in town. Again, I acted on impulse but this time I picked a graphic beforehand, the Tank woman in the Australian movie which I came across in a magazine. I had it on the nape of my neck and surprisingly it wasn't painful at all! It took about an hour and I hardly felt a thing. The result was just brilliant that I booked for another tattoo on my collar bone which is a bar code with my birth date on it. The Tank woman depicts the type of gals I was and still am, and the bar code is simply there to remind me of my existence.
Tattoos are no longer about rebellion, or in any way related to gangsters or the 'bad' people. They are so popular these days and to me, they are windows to the psyche as they tell stories which are so personal and meaningful. Of course there are still people who have negative reactions to tattoos and it serves as a good filter to keep small-minded people out of my life! Why becoming so verbal about it when the tattoo is on my body and not theirs?
Am I going to stop at 3? I don't think so. I won't get one out of boredom or when I am drunk. I would do it when my mood strikes and if something actually catches my eyes. There are still lots of blank canvas spaces all over my body! Why would I care about what others think of me at midlife if I didn't care way back in my 30's. Tattooing is no-body's business and it is something I enjoy from an aesthetic perspective. I am not encouraging you to jump the ship and get yourself booked for an appointment straight away because it could well be another addiction which can costs you a fortune. And it is definitely a no-go if you have a tendency to regret and getting tattoos removed is an ultimate torture.
Read on for another major change...
If tattooing ain't bold enough, I had my head shaved 18 months ago and loving it. I was refused by my hair stylist I had for over a decade to have my head shaved due to all sorts of reasons he could come up with but I never looked back since that fateful day when I just walked in to a salon in Iceland and demanded a shave which lasted about 10 mins top.
I had long hair in my 20's, straight and permed, short hair, pixie cut, layered bob, and had almost every colour of the rainbow all my life. It was never black. My hair and scalp have been brutally subjected to harsh chemicals and expensive hair care products, not to mention the costs of my salon visits. I have always been lazy and hair maintenance is something I tried to avoid at all costs. I must admit most women wouldn't go for the extreme measures and have their hair chopped off especially for a Chinese. Having skin head has been on my mind for eons and trusting my then hair stylist, I stayed put with the routine even though the humidity in Hong Kong drove me crazy. My determination of shaving it once and for all was probably the best decision I had ever made for a long long time.
For someone who is intolerant to heat and prefer a low maintenance lifestyle, going skin head is one of the options. I love the way I look and feel even though I get unwanted stares and verbal attacks from people who are too reserved or conventional, afraid of what others will think of them if they stand out too much. Not me. Why don't men get such remarks being bald and have tattoos on 4 limbs? I am enjoying the benefits when there is no more salon visits, no more chemical, no expenses on hair care products and I can kiss goodbye to my trusted hair dryer. The only downside is that I need to shave with a clipper once a week by myself and I am getting really good at it by practice. There is no going back!
I can foresee my hair turning grey / white soon enough but I can assure you that I won't cover it by dyeing. I can look exceptionally stunning with my natural hair if I embrace what nature is deciding for me.Authenticity is important to me. I abhor copycats and I don't depend on a man or my looks for approval. You may want to keep your tresses long or short, straight or curly, without seeking external validation or approval. It is purely a question of personal preference. My advice is to go for a hairstyle that makes you feel confident and comfortable and nothing else matters!
5/21/2019
What will you retire to?
I feel I have been 'retired' for years since I last earned my paycheck teaching English. For five years I was surviving on a bit of inheritance from my deceased father while working my ass off starting my own Image Consultancy business which generated zero income and not a single client. Yes, for 5 fucking years! There is only so much in the bank and right now I am about to apply for government aid for the unemployed. This certainly feels like retirement but without the financial backup. I simply can't afford to retire at this stage nor I ever want to!
I am 50, way below the standard retirement age of 65. Retirement has never been a word in my dictionary as I like to feel useful, productive and contributing in some ways to the society. Alas, the situation is unexpectedly different from what I hope to be and no wonder I am depressed as there is nothing to look forward to as soon as I wake up in the morning, fretting about how to kill the time I have before another day is over. I need goals, plans and the flexibility to adjust when circumstances change. I am adamant not to be a retreater or a coach potato.
The word 'retirement' connotes a different meaning to different people. There are as many paths as there are human beings in the world.
- It is about stepping back from the world of work (to pay the bills), engaging with the world away from the offices and cubicles of paid employment but staying connected to their former work while developing new fronts
- It is about relaunch, rewire, reinvent, moving to second / third act, staying engaged/ involved in the world of work with flexible hours and no commute (working from home)
- It is about trying new things, meeting new people and having a different schedule, while pursuing unrealized dreams
- It is about going back to work part-time, freelance or taking up consulting work, while tapping into the creative side of their brain
- It is about upgrading their skills and education to stay relevant
- It is about discovering what really matters and transform their work / personal life into something meaningful
- It is time to relax, taking each day as it comes without agenda
- etc...
I suggest we should start thinking about the ageing process as in changes about how and where we work, how and where we live, and how we organize our personal and social lives. Decision about what to do and when to do it, taking stock of who we are and who we want to be with new found passion, hobbies and possibilities. We need to identify our purpose which means digging deeper, knowing our motivation behind it, and expecting a steep learning curve as we gather our tools and know-how.
I for one don't believe it is too late to change as I believe I can start on a new path at any time. I intend to challenge the status quo, rediscover my interests, and reinvent myself at this phase of my life.I can imagine myself leaping into a new career. I have to examine what I love and have often thought about and asking why I want to change is critical. Albeit heartbreaking to close my business, I need a reboot and a new vocation, something that stirs my soul and speaks to my heart. Writing, podcasting and voice acting are some of the many possibilities I shall explore. Instead of struggling and hating going to work everyday, I am interested in on-going work which is better aligned with my current values and priorities. I wish to connect with a community of like-minded individuals such as participating in face-to-face workshops and courses. I fantasize about using my professional experience to serving my community in new and challenging ways which involves lifelong learning. I want to invest my time following my passion such as creating artwork and selling them.
There is new freedom when you have new discretionary space, income, time and possibilities. There are new horizons when we have greater focus and clarity about where we want to take the freedom, what we are curious about, how we want to spend our energy and how we are going to move into being useful in a different way. Then there is new simplicity when we decide we don't want complications anymore in our lives. We are all in transition and continue to be so between midlife and our last day. Stay true to yourself. Be strong, vulnerable and compassionate. Remind yourself there is a time to stay back, learn from others and allow others to help when appropriate. Stand up for what is right no matter what. You are a leader born for great things.
So what will you retire to?
5/13/2019
Meno-pause****what is it to you?
Perimenopause.
Menopause.
Postmenopause.
All about hormonal transition, which can last up to a full decade. When you just beginning to think that making baby and getting painful periods end.
Estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, thyroid and testosterone.
You know the drill:
hot flashes and night sweats, anxiety / depression, fatigue, mood swings, sleep disturbances, disordered thinking/ brain fog, loss of energy and motivation, dry eyes, sore joints, headaches, tender breasts, nausea,heart palpitation, reduced muscle mass, low libido, incontinence, and weight gain (and possibly many more)
Menopause is a time of mental, emotional and physical upheaval. Mine started a couple of years ago and it is liberating to have dead ovaries. No more heavy periods, PMT and migraine, to name just a few. So much for being a woman. Specifically, it means speaking my truth and stopping that need to feel responsible for the happiness of others. I feel at peace with my age, with what I have done / accomplished, and with who I am.
Every woman goes through menopause differently. I was considering taking HRT and phytomone cream for the sake of keeping the symptoms at bay. My mom was lucky to ease through the stages with hardly any symptoms at all. She simply can't understand why I experience awful sadness and inexplicable weeping. There are days when nothing interests me and all I wanted is to sleep away the day as much as I can.
To combat the unpleasant symptoms, I am starting a high vegetable and fruit diet (mediterranean-style). Weight gain is another most common byproduct which can be resolved. Avoid food that increase insulin (especially when I am a type 2 diabetes) and opt for veggies and lean protein instead. I have to focus on portion control and have everything in moderation. Other ways include: avoiding long hours of sitting and getting up frequently. Hydrate regularly with cold water and go to the bathroom when you need to clear your bladder. Stretching or a quick walk work wonders if you are not into the gym.
I am not a breakfast person but for the sake of speeding up my metabolism, I tend to eat fewer high-fat food, less total calories and have frequent smaller meals during the day. I take Melatonin to sleep and I practise art and writing and listen to music to reduce stress.
Another term for menopause is 'midlife crisis'. To me it is more like an opportunity as it is about discovering the application of our greatness. I almost always discover motivation via inspiration from other women in their fifties who have found fulfilling work. Changing my perception of what is happening while turning a crisis into a transformation to a better me is what I am trying to master.
So how are you coping with your -pause?
Menopause.
Postmenopause.
All about hormonal transition, which can last up to a full decade. When you just beginning to think that making baby and getting painful periods end.
Estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, thyroid and testosterone.
You know the drill:
hot flashes and night sweats, anxiety / depression, fatigue, mood swings, sleep disturbances, disordered thinking/ brain fog, loss of energy and motivation, dry eyes, sore joints, headaches, tender breasts, nausea,heart palpitation, reduced muscle mass, low libido, incontinence, and weight gain (and possibly many more)
Menopause is a time of mental, emotional and physical upheaval. Mine started a couple of years ago and it is liberating to have dead ovaries. No more heavy periods, PMT and migraine, to name just a few. So much for being a woman. Specifically, it means speaking my truth and stopping that need to feel responsible for the happiness of others. I feel at peace with my age, with what I have done / accomplished, and with who I am.
Every woman goes through menopause differently. I was considering taking HRT and phytomone cream for the sake of keeping the symptoms at bay. My mom was lucky to ease through the stages with hardly any symptoms at all. She simply can't understand why I experience awful sadness and inexplicable weeping. There are days when nothing interests me and all I wanted is to sleep away the day as much as I can.
To combat the unpleasant symptoms, I am starting a high vegetable and fruit diet (mediterranean-style). Weight gain is another most common byproduct which can be resolved. Avoid food that increase insulin (especially when I am a type 2 diabetes) and opt for veggies and lean protein instead. I have to focus on portion control and have everything in moderation. Other ways include: avoiding long hours of sitting and getting up frequently. Hydrate regularly with cold water and go to the bathroom when you need to clear your bladder. Stretching or a quick walk work wonders if you are not into the gym.
I am not a breakfast person but for the sake of speeding up my metabolism, I tend to eat fewer high-fat food, less total calories and have frequent smaller meals during the day. I take Melatonin to sleep and I practise art and writing and listen to music to reduce stress.
Another term for menopause is 'midlife crisis'. To me it is more like an opportunity as it is about discovering the application of our greatness. I almost always discover motivation via inspiration from other women in their fifties who have found fulfilling work. Changing my perception of what is happening while turning a crisis into a transformation to a better me is what I am trying to master.
So how are you coping with your -pause?
5/05/2019
Skin care for women 50+
I still remember owning my first set of Clinque skin care 3 step package 30 years ago. I was wearing make up at the time and I knew by instinct that getting my grime off every night was paramount to flawless skin which I so associated with attractiveness. As I got older, I decided to eliminate makeup in its entirety and my money went to purchasing expensive skin care products. Being an explorer that I am, I would splurge on anything that caught my attention and there is no surprise that I have a full cabinet of skin care products of different brands, and I change products according to the season/ weather and what I feel my skin needs at the time.
At 50, my skin tone is the first thing that I notice that ages. My skin is rougher, extremely dry, ultra sensitive and more fragile. I have small lesions from time to time and there are occasional dark spots scattering all over my face and neck. Yes I am concerned but it is a fact that our skin lose elasticity, and the fatty issues under the bone features when you hit midlife. In order to rectify the problems without seeing the pro, I decided to change my skincare routine and stick to it regardless:
I wear sunscreen ( La Roche-Posay dry touch gel-cream with built in sunscreen 50+) during the day when I go out. Make sure the product contains at least 7% zinc or titanium oxide and have an SPF of 30+.
I use moisturising lotions in summer and cream / balm / oil based moisturisers in Winter. Facial oil is my favourite especially in air-conditioned confine as my skin absorbs the oil rapidly leaving it smooth and nourished without feeling greasy.
I tend to avoid using soaps and water based cleansers on my face as they strip away the natural oil and make my skin end up drier. I have tried hundreds of cleansers before (I don't mind being a guinea pig) and I only go for the ones that make my skin feel soft, supple and clean (not squeaky clean like the Korean / Japanese brands!). I keep my Luxe micellar water and cotton pads with me in my totebag in summer for a light cleanse throughout the day when pollution prevails in a city like Hong Kong.
After a lot of trial and error, not to mention the amount of money invested, I decided cleansing milk or oil are the best for my dry and maturing skin as they don't disturb the skin's Ph balance. Exfoliation is part of my twice a week routine and I swear by the Vitamin C range microdermabrasion scrub from the Body Shop. I do apply a mask (Swisse charcoal mask) once a week for deep cleansing while adding moisture.
As I am constantly confined in air conditioned rooms one way or the other, I use a serum after shower followed by either a richer night cream or oil (I love Argan and Sea Buckthorn, alternating with NYR Frankinscense oil) which contain skin repair ingredients for a more intense hydration effect. Just a few drops on your palms and massage all over your face and neck. A serum is not a moisturiser. Go for the ones with your particular concern and purpose:
hyluronic acid for hydration,
vitamin C or antioxidants for brightness,
retinol to smooth lines,
peptides and niacinamide for firmness
To be frank, I don't believe in anything that says 'anti-ageing' or 'age-reverse' because they are just psychological manipulation by companies trying to sell their chemical fuelled products to women who buy the phoney idea of 'forever young'! There is no way to go back to our youth but we can still be confident and looking fabulous. I don't even wear make up okay, and all I am hoping is to look healthy and keep my eczema at bay. There is no one size fits all solution for mature skin because our complexions and bodies do differ. What's more, our complexion reveals the effects of genes and history of lifestyles which are unique to every one of us. You may opt to simply follow a basic routine including a cleanser, serum and moisturiser with SPF upon waking and a cleanser, (matching) toner, serum, and moisturiser or oil before bed. You would know if a product is working when you see how easily the product is absorbed or how good it feels on your face.
If you can afford a bit more on the skin care department, go organic . You can tell the difference within days and you certainly deserve it!
At 50, my skin tone is the first thing that I notice that ages. My skin is rougher, extremely dry, ultra sensitive and more fragile. I have small lesions from time to time and there are occasional dark spots scattering all over my face and neck. Yes I am concerned but it is a fact that our skin lose elasticity, and the fatty issues under the bone features when you hit midlife. In order to rectify the problems without seeing the pro, I decided to change my skincare routine and stick to it regardless:
I wear sunscreen ( La Roche-Posay dry touch gel-cream with built in sunscreen 50+) during the day when I go out. Make sure the product contains at least 7% zinc or titanium oxide and have an SPF of 30+.
I use moisturising lotions in summer and cream / balm / oil based moisturisers in Winter. Facial oil is my favourite especially in air-conditioned confine as my skin absorbs the oil rapidly leaving it smooth and nourished without feeling greasy.
I tend to avoid using soaps and water based cleansers on my face as they strip away the natural oil and make my skin end up drier. I have tried hundreds of cleansers before (I don't mind being a guinea pig) and I only go for the ones that make my skin feel soft, supple and clean (not squeaky clean like the Korean / Japanese brands!). I keep my Luxe micellar water and cotton pads with me in my totebag in summer for a light cleanse throughout the day when pollution prevails in a city like Hong Kong.
After a lot of trial and error, not to mention the amount of money invested, I decided cleansing milk or oil are the best for my dry and maturing skin as they don't disturb the skin's Ph balance. Exfoliation is part of my twice a week routine and I swear by the Vitamin C range microdermabrasion scrub from the Body Shop. I do apply a mask (Swisse charcoal mask) once a week for deep cleansing while adding moisture.
As I am constantly confined in air conditioned rooms one way or the other, I use a serum after shower followed by either a richer night cream or oil (I love Argan and Sea Buckthorn, alternating with NYR Frankinscense oil) which contain skin repair ingredients for a more intense hydration effect. Just a few drops on your palms and massage all over your face and neck. A serum is not a moisturiser. Go for the ones with your particular concern and purpose:
hyluronic acid for hydration,
vitamin C or antioxidants for brightness,
retinol to smooth lines,
peptides and niacinamide for firmness
To be frank, I don't believe in anything that says 'anti-ageing' or 'age-reverse' because they are just psychological manipulation by companies trying to sell their chemical fuelled products to women who buy the phoney idea of 'forever young'! There is no way to go back to our youth but we can still be confident and looking fabulous. I don't even wear make up okay, and all I am hoping is to look healthy and keep my eczema at bay. There is no one size fits all solution for mature skin because our complexions and bodies do differ. What's more, our complexion reveals the effects of genes and history of lifestyles which are unique to every one of us. You may opt to simply follow a basic routine including a cleanser, serum and moisturiser with SPF upon waking and a cleanser, (matching) toner, serum, and moisturiser or oil before bed. You would know if a product is working when you see how easily the product is absorbed or how good it feels on your face.
If you can afford a bit more on the skin care department, go organic . You can tell the difference within days and you certainly deserve it!
4/29/2019
The Pros of Ageing
Physically I am no longer as robust and nimble as I were 20 years ago. My errands mainly include visiting the chemist, doctor appointments and the likes. My energy levels have dropped quite significantly and I need more rest than ever these days. My back gives up on me after standing for a period of time before I need to sit or lie down. I get sick more frequently than ever as my immune system has taken a nose-dive, not to mention all the unpleasant symptoms that come menopause.
On the other hand, there are the intrinsic benefits from reaching midlife. We no longer worry about getting the male gaze or relying on being the centre of the spotlight to be confident about ourselves. We have developed resilience overtime without knowing it; we aren't dead yet are we? We have developed reasonable expectations (or without) and know that we cannot possibly have everything so we get to prioritise what we do want and what is feasible. Saying no is almost a no-brainer as we are more focused on how and with whom our time is spent.
As I write for this blog, it is a joy to share the resources acquired from a lifetime of world experience, wisdom or not. I am happy to impart my very own knowledge that have accumulated from the years of living, despite inevitable losses. I want to share with you my readers that we are not too old for anything except having a baby or climbing the Everest. We can definitely start a career and have the freedom to do whatever we wish, knowing our physical limitations and obstacles we need to overcome. I have been a lifelong learner ever since my graduation from uni but I doubt another degree in law or medicine is in the pipe. I have written and self published a book but I doubt I'll ever get another book published due to the cost involved (but an e-book might be in order). Travelling is still on top of my priority list and I strongly suggest midlifers to take as many trips as possible while you are still physically strong and able. Make use of your innate gift and talent and make something out of it, will you? (Why do you think I am writing this blog and launching my podcast?) There are dreams which haven't manifested as yet but they are still viable as long as you are kicking and alive!
Change is the only constant and uncertainty is the only certainty. Midlife is simply another phase of transitions which can be uncomfortable and my remedy is to keep learning something new to re-build my self-esteem. I am now reading a short novel in french which is definitely a confidence booster (albeit a dictionary is within arms reach). My business failure of 5 years is indeed heart-breaking but I have nothing to lose anymore do I? I can be as creative as I want to be without much expectation, knowing full well that there are things which are uncontrollable. And unless you drop dead, there will always be the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Accomplishments are important to me but I am also aware of the fact that nothing I accomplish will permanently change my self-image. I am who I am regardless of the accolades I manage to amass. My definition of success is probably different from you but how I measure my life has a profound impact on my wellbeing. To me it is the freedom of making enough money from being appreciated for what I have to offer, doing what I enjoy doing on a regular basis. You can't take your wealth with you into the grave, can you? I believe that by constantly looking out for possibilities and opportunities may pave the many different paths to where I want to be. Instead of being a critic, I opt to be a prolific creator (i.e. consumer vs creator). I no longer seek love, validation / permission and approval from the world around me but to give them to myself. Being resourceful is the key here. After all the most important relationship in my life is the one I have with myself. I don't compare with others but with my older version of myself. (I have deleted my Twitter and Pinterest accounts without feeling I am missing out on anything substantial!) The most difficult thing is to stop fighting and start accepting, which is still a work in progress. Status quo is something I have been trying to beat all my life. A collective agreement by the majority of people may not be the right one and it is okay to challenge, to question the reality and come up with something of my own (wonder why there are trailblazers out there?). In spite of my failed business, I do believe that anything worth doing takes time and effort and Rome wasn't built in a day! There is a trade off for everything you do in life which it is only fair . Discomfort is the price to pay for anything meaningful. Every one of us has a story worth telling and it is in my interest to share mine with you with this blog.
I am not a person who cares much about routine but it is crucial to acquire a habit, a hobby or a ritual and do it everyday to stay sane. I need my caffeine fix first thing in the morning without exception. I write at least once a week for readers like you. My hobby changes at different points of my life but there is always something I am interested in pursuing. Progress is rarely linear. There are days when I just want to hide under my blankets and what I pour my heart into may not necessarily reward me the result I have expected. I have learnt it the hard way, many times over. We are all taking risks on a daily basis where outcome is unknown. There is no such thing as security especially when the nature takes its course. There is no such thing as the perfect time or the perfect place either as we don't know if there will be a tomorrow!
To recap, ageism is heavily associated with loss and limitations which is true to a certain extent. Milestones are markers of transitions. Change is a constant at any age as long as we are moving forward. So, instead of celebrating the birth of a child, birthdays, religious holidays, anniversaries, there are more to celebrate as we get to a certain age. Let's commemorate the things we may never do again such as getting a law degree, wearing a bikini and bar-crawling, while treating midlife a rightful time to free ourselves of outdated goals, things that no longer fit the current version of us. The older I get the more I can let go of. (That's is how I started on the path of minimalism.) I am proud to say I am now living more authentically than at any time before, letting go of things I 'should' do but focus instead on things I truly want and can do. There will always be firsts to celebrate, lasts to savour and nevers to let go of with liberating resolve.
On the other hand, there are the intrinsic benefits from reaching midlife. We no longer worry about getting the male gaze or relying on being the centre of the spotlight to be confident about ourselves. We have developed resilience overtime without knowing it; we aren't dead yet are we? We have developed reasonable expectations (or without) and know that we cannot possibly have everything so we get to prioritise what we do want and what is feasible. Saying no is almost a no-brainer as we are more focused on how and with whom our time is spent.
As I write for this blog, it is a joy to share the resources acquired from a lifetime of world experience, wisdom or not. I am happy to impart my very own knowledge that have accumulated from the years of living, despite inevitable losses. I want to share with you my readers that we are not too old for anything except having a baby or climbing the Everest. We can definitely start a career and have the freedom to do whatever we wish, knowing our physical limitations and obstacles we need to overcome. I have been a lifelong learner ever since my graduation from uni but I doubt another degree in law or medicine is in the pipe. I have written and self published a book but I doubt I'll ever get another book published due to the cost involved (but an e-book might be in order). Travelling is still on top of my priority list and I strongly suggest midlifers to take as many trips as possible while you are still physically strong and able. Make use of your innate gift and talent and make something out of it, will you? (Why do you think I am writing this blog and launching my podcast?) There are dreams which haven't manifested as yet but they are still viable as long as you are kicking and alive!
Change is the only constant and uncertainty is the only certainty. Midlife is simply another phase of transitions which can be uncomfortable and my remedy is to keep learning something new to re-build my self-esteem. I am now reading a short novel in french which is definitely a confidence booster (albeit a dictionary is within arms reach). My business failure of 5 years is indeed heart-breaking but I have nothing to lose anymore do I? I can be as creative as I want to be without much expectation, knowing full well that there are things which are uncontrollable. And unless you drop dead, there will always be the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Accomplishments are important to me but I am also aware of the fact that nothing I accomplish will permanently change my self-image. I am who I am regardless of the accolades I manage to amass. My definition of success is probably different from you but how I measure my life has a profound impact on my wellbeing. To me it is the freedom of making enough money from being appreciated for what I have to offer, doing what I enjoy doing on a regular basis. You can't take your wealth with you into the grave, can you? I believe that by constantly looking out for possibilities and opportunities may pave the many different paths to where I want to be. Instead of being a critic, I opt to be a prolific creator (i.e. consumer vs creator). I no longer seek love, validation / permission and approval from the world around me but to give them to myself. Being resourceful is the key here. After all the most important relationship in my life is the one I have with myself. I don't compare with others but with my older version of myself. (I have deleted my Twitter and Pinterest accounts without feeling I am missing out on anything substantial!) The most difficult thing is to stop fighting and start accepting, which is still a work in progress. Status quo is something I have been trying to beat all my life. A collective agreement by the majority of people may not be the right one and it is okay to challenge, to question the reality and come up with something of my own (wonder why there are trailblazers out there?). In spite of my failed business, I do believe that anything worth doing takes time and effort and Rome wasn't built in a day! There is a trade off for everything you do in life which it is only fair . Discomfort is the price to pay for anything meaningful. Every one of us has a story worth telling and it is in my interest to share mine with you with this blog.
I am not a person who cares much about routine but it is crucial to acquire a habit, a hobby or a ritual and do it everyday to stay sane. I need my caffeine fix first thing in the morning without exception. I write at least once a week for readers like you. My hobby changes at different points of my life but there is always something I am interested in pursuing. Progress is rarely linear. There are days when I just want to hide under my blankets and what I pour my heart into may not necessarily reward me the result I have expected. I have learnt it the hard way, many times over. We are all taking risks on a daily basis where outcome is unknown. There is no such thing as security especially when the nature takes its course. There is no such thing as the perfect time or the perfect place either as we don't know if there will be a tomorrow!
To recap, ageism is heavily associated with loss and limitations which is true to a certain extent. Milestones are markers of transitions. Change is a constant at any age as long as we are moving forward. So, instead of celebrating the birth of a child, birthdays, religious holidays, anniversaries, there are more to celebrate as we get to a certain age. Let's commemorate the things we may never do again such as getting a law degree, wearing a bikini and bar-crawling, while treating midlife a rightful time to free ourselves of outdated goals, things that no longer fit the current version of us. The older I get the more I can let go of. (That's is how I started on the path of minimalism.) I am proud to say I am now living more authentically than at any time before, letting go of things I 'should' do but focus instead on things I truly want and can do. There will always be firsts to celebrate, lasts to savour and nevers to let go of with liberating resolve.
4/22/2019
Freedom at 50
I was born an ugly duckling.
Bullied at school.
Introverted.
Afraid to be seen alone.
Friendship was difficult when you were not in the league.
ETC...
And now that I am 50, I can tell you all the freedom I can ever get. Looking back, I was doing what I knew best and it wasn't a pleasant childhood to be remembered and my selective memory works miracles for me!
I have learnt life the hard way. And I can only say that I was bestowed with the lessons which are needed as I age. Perseverance, resilience, adaptability, flexibility, self-sufficiency, resourcefulness, independence, all the while peeling away the layers of onion to get a better glimpse at who I really am.
Life is a continual change and it starts from the time we were born. Each of our wants and needs will change at various points in our life. I have been recreating myself many times over in the past 5 decades such as changing my career, my fashion style, my hobbies, breaking up a long term relationship, to name a few. I am just the kind of person who refuses to have the same routine year in and year out. I have a lifetime of experiences, for better or worse. My passion wasn't set in stone as I do enjoy different things at different phases, and I get carried away when I am in the flow. I have gained quite some skills and knowledge with my lifelong learning, and completing my degree was just the beginning.
I am valuing my time more as I get older by the day. I do have priorities for things and people. When something or someone is a priority, you always manage to find the time for it. What I did a couple of months back was to stop putting effort into a few one-way friendships . It is sad but so liberating! Yes, I'd rather have fewer friends than spending my time with people with a facade. Similarly, I have unsubscribed to 80% of the newsletters which no longer serve me.
I have chosen to be single, not having a mortgage and a car and no pets. I decided from the very beginning that material things are not what I am after. And I have no regret nor jealous of those who have all of them. I have gotten rid of my rose colored glasses quite some time ago as I hit rock bottom and I needed to suck up the harsh reality. I am no longer ashamed of my vulnerability and transparency is what I value these days. Albeit a great multi-tasker, I prefer not to wear too many hats so I am currently a daughter, a student, and an explorer with no intention whatsoever to pull off wearing more hats. I still have my resting bitch face screaming 'Don't fuck with me' and I am okay with that.
Aging is not a problem to be solved or fixed. Instead of focusing on superficial matters and material gains, I want to feel useful. Accepting that death will come at any point doesn't diminish the value of our lives. I have yet to discover what my purpose is that is sustainable. I am open to whatever speaks to me in the years ahead. This blog is one of my contribution to the women at midlife and I do hope you will jump aboard and share your stories with me.
Bullied at school.
Introverted.
Afraid to be seen alone.
Friendship was difficult when you were not in the league.
ETC...
And now that I am 50, I can tell you all the freedom I can ever get. Looking back, I was doing what I knew best and it wasn't a pleasant childhood to be remembered and my selective memory works miracles for me!
I have learnt life the hard way. And I can only say that I was bestowed with the lessons which are needed as I age. Perseverance, resilience, adaptability, flexibility, self-sufficiency, resourcefulness, independence, all the while peeling away the layers of onion to get a better glimpse at who I really am.
Life is a continual change and it starts from the time we were born. Each of our wants and needs will change at various points in our life. I have been recreating myself many times over in the past 5 decades such as changing my career, my fashion style, my hobbies, breaking up a long term relationship, to name a few. I am just the kind of person who refuses to have the same routine year in and year out. I have a lifetime of experiences, for better or worse. My passion wasn't set in stone as I do enjoy different things at different phases, and I get carried away when I am in the flow. I have gained quite some skills and knowledge with my lifelong learning, and completing my degree was just the beginning.
I am valuing my time more as I get older by the day. I do have priorities for things and people. When something or someone is a priority, you always manage to find the time for it. What I did a couple of months back was to stop putting effort into a few one-way friendships . It is sad but so liberating! Yes, I'd rather have fewer friends than spending my time with people with a facade. Similarly, I have unsubscribed to 80% of the newsletters which no longer serve me.
I have chosen to be single, not having a mortgage and a car and no pets. I decided from the very beginning that material things are not what I am after. And I have no regret nor jealous of those who have all of them. I have gotten rid of my rose colored glasses quite some time ago as I hit rock bottom and I needed to suck up the harsh reality. I am no longer ashamed of my vulnerability and transparency is what I value these days. Albeit a great multi-tasker, I prefer not to wear too many hats so I am currently a daughter, a student, and an explorer with no intention whatsoever to pull off wearing more hats. I still have my resting bitch face screaming 'Don't fuck with me' and I am okay with that.
Aging is not a problem to be solved or fixed. Instead of focusing on superficial matters and material gains, I want to feel useful. Accepting that death will come at any point doesn't diminish the value of our lives. I have yet to discover what my purpose is that is sustainable. I am open to whatever speaks to me in the years ahead. This blog is one of my contribution to the women at midlife and I do hope you will jump aboard and share your stories with me.
4/18/2019
How is life different between a millennial and a midlifer?
There is racism.
There is sexism.
And then there is ageism.
Everything to do with separatism and individualism.
What is going on in the world when all humans are supposed to be just humans, animals of sorts and that none of us are immortal!
Each and every one of us is going to get 'older' (than) by the second.
This blog is a platform for all of us 50 + women who are feeling 'old', invisible, ignored, and humiliated to a certain extent. This is a safe place to hook up with each other and back each other up, exploring what it is that makes us who we are, unapologetically. I wish we could feel good about ourselves at whatever age we are if we were willing to be naked and vulnerable. Let's help each other to be comfortable in our own skin. We still have a lot to offer and I am not going to be consigned to invisibility.
A millennial is going to enter midlife sooner or later. And a midlifer always remembers the younger version that she was. None of us want to be stereotyped with unwanted notions and judgements and we can only truly know someone through their life stories, not based on what we believe or our very own opinions.
How am I different from a millennial? Not much really. I am a scanner, creative, I love diversity, excellent at multi-tasking, a no-shit attitude and a rule breaker. I am unwilling to commit to jobs which involves long hours and measly pay. I have been an entrepreneur for over 15 years and loving it (together with my failure). Being able to work whenever and wherever I want is already the biggest perk. I was born with a millennial mindset and I am adamant to use my innate traits positively, to be involved in creative endeavours, pursuing challenges and make things happen.
So is it possible to have friends who are 20 or 30 years younger? Of course! The only difference is that the millennials have come into this world in a technology permeated time and space, which makes me vintage coming from the Stone Age. We still care about our looks. Don't you care to keep your clothing looking presentable and check your appearance before you step out the door? I for one always dress according to my personal style, as opposed to following the trend. I have my head shaved a year and a half ago , not because I crave attention but for the reason I hate spending time and money keeping maintenance, and I like the way I look skinhead! How I look is none of any body's business and honestly, not many people care! So what if my legs don't turn heads? I have to make sure not to wear anything which shows the skin above my ankles because of the unsightly scars from chronic eczema. However I am still confident about how I look and feel, that I am worthy and pretty by my standard. I might be 'out of shape' compared to my younger self, but I have challenges to manage that come with ageing than fretting about my body shape. We can never defy gravity and having medical appointments all over my planner has become a norm which I have rightfully accepted. Physical and mental decline is inevitable but I never let them define me. And yes we are conscious of the world situation and the ecological phenomenon and that's where activists step in to see to it. Do you realise how many midlifers volunteer as an advocate for dire causes? I am not on Instagram / Pinterest but I make sure I check my Facebook notifications every now and then and that my inbox is reduced to a minimum.
So why waving the white flag just because we have lived half a century? And how old is old anyway?
There is sexism.
And then there is ageism.
Everything to do with separatism and individualism.
What is going on in the world when all humans are supposed to be just humans, animals of sorts and that none of us are immortal!
Each and every one of us is going to get 'older' (than) by the second.
This blog is a platform for all of us 50 + women who are feeling 'old', invisible, ignored, and humiliated to a certain extent. This is a safe place to hook up with each other and back each other up, exploring what it is that makes us who we are, unapologetically. I wish we could feel good about ourselves at whatever age we are if we were willing to be naked and vulnerable. Let's help each other to be comfortable in our own skin. We still have a lot to offer and I am not going to be consigned to invisibility.
A millennial is going to enter midlife sooner or later. And a midlifer always remembers the younger version that she was. None of us want to be stereotyped with unwanted notions and judgements and we can only truly know someone through their life stories, not based on what we believe or our very own opinions.
How am I different from a millennial? Not much really. I am a scanner, creative, I love diversity, excellent at multi-tasking, a no-shit attitude and a rule breaker. I am unwilling to commit to jobs which involves long hours and measly pay. I have been an entrepreneur for over 15 years and loving it (together with my failure). Being able to work whenever and wherever I want is already the biggest perk. I was born with a millennial mindset and I am adamant to use my innate traits positively, to be involved in creative endeavours, pursuing challenges and make things happen.
So is it possible to have friends who are 20 or 30 years younger? Of course! The only difference is that the millennials have come into this world in a technology permeated time and space, which makes me vintage coming from the Stone Age. We still care about our looks. Don't you care to keep your clothing looking presentable and check your appearance before you step out the door? I for one always dress according to my personal style, as opposed to following the trend. I have my head shaved a year and a half ago , not because I crave attention but for the reason I hate spending time and money keeping maintenance, and I like the way I look skinhead! How I look is none of any body's business and honestly, not many people care! So what if my legs don't turn heads? I have to make sure not to wear anything which shows the skin above my ankles because of the unsightly scars from chronic eczema. However I am still confident about how I look and feel, that I am worthy and pretty by my standard. I might be 'out of shape' compared to my younger self, but I have challenges to manage that come with ageing than fretting about my body shape. We can never defy gravity and having medical appointments all over my planner has become a norm which I have rightfully accepted. Physical and mental decline is inevitable but I never let them define me. And yes we are conscious of the world situation and the ecological phenomenon and that's where activists step in to see to it. Do you realise how many midlifers volunteer as an advocate for dire causes? I am not on Instagram / Pinterest but I make sure I check my Facebook notifications every now and then and that my inbox is reduced to a minimum.
So why waving the white flag just because we have lived half a century? And how old is old anyway?
4/11/2019
The language of ageing
I have skin head for a year and a half now and have been wearing a hat of sorts just to avoid the 'looks' I get in public. It is not a norm for women to have skinhead and tattoos all over their bodies where I am currently based. As it is getting unbearably hot, I have no choice but to ditch anything covering up my head which means risking the stares and unpleasant comments on my look.
'How is the chemo going?'
'Have you become a vegetarian?'
What kind of questions are these? I was complimented in Iceland where I had my head shaved and all of a sudden this is something to be ashamed of while I am in Hong Kong?
Okay, that's got nothing to do with ageing, but the unwanted remarks hurt just as bad.
I have been told by many that 'I don't look my age' when people found out I am 50. So what exactly does a 50 year old woman look like? And if I don't look my age, which is 50, how old do I look?
And why is it that you should never ask a woman her age? What does that imply?
'You look great!' (for my age?)
'How do you manage to look so young? What is your secret?' It is in my genes!
'How can I help you, young lady?' Why can't you just ask the question without naming me in your perception of who I am?
'So you are now 50 years young.'
'60 is the new 30'. What the hell?
'Old dogs can't learn new tricks.' I might not be born with an ipad in my cot but aren't we all trying our best to keep up with the latest technology?
Don't you ever use the words 'adorable' and 'cute' on me. Show some respect!
Words both spoken and written are powerful; they could be the highlight of your day or leave a bitter taste in the mouth. And I don't tolerate demeaning older people with so called compliments.
Let's not kid ourselves, we live in an ageist society where women automatically 'become' invisible at a certain age and those between 18-28 are admired and idolized. These young ladies are going to get old too (of course unless they are dead before they hit 30) mind you so it is vital that women across the age spectrum need to address the issue of ageism starting young. Language loaded with rudeness, hostility, and condescension has permeated the very fabric of society globally and it is never too soon to address the harm and infliction to our psyche by re-wiring our mind to choose civility over disrespect. A different choice of words has the power to create a new frame of mind.
According to the statistics, people are living much longer these days and we were told that this is a problem or crisis in the daily communication media. Watch the advertisement. Read the magazines.
Are you drawn to the beauty brands with an anti-ageing formula?
Are you gullible enough to even dream of going under the knife to make yourself forever young as botox promised?
Let's face it. There is no potion or surgery which can possibly reverse your biological clock and it is just plain wishful thinking especially if you have a ton of money to burn. Why can't you just accept the fact that we are all getting older by the second, celebrate mature beauty and embrace the benefits of ageing? Be cool about your age as there is nothing to hide. I have even tattooed my birthday on my neck for everyone to see! There are so many words circulated in our everyday communication such as: mature, of a certain age, senior, boomer, senile, crone, spinster, pensioner, retiree, and on and on but we are never the label given to us, we are just an older woman, compared to those who are younger that us. Period. On the other hand, we are not ageless because the word itself connotates a negative situation which is just not true. Nobody can be ageless. And to be ageless directly means ageing is something to abhor, if nothing else.
Personally I have always been an independent woman, self-sufficient, authentic and down to earth, a high achiever and go-getter, bold and daring. I certainly would't to be put into a box of incompetence, debilitation and dependency. I want to die with respect and dignity, not a pound of flesh without a mind of my own. Having a problem with authority since the beginning of time, I do not put my life into the hands of medical practitioners, nor my parents or anyone who claims superiority over me regardless of my age. I have had half a century of real life experience and I prefer to trust myself and to hold on to my autonomy until my last breath.
In French, Quel age a-tu? literally means 'What age have you?' And I interpret it as how much experience you have so far. I like that.
'How is the chemo going?'
'Have you become a vegetarian?'
What kind of questions are these? I was complimented in Iceland where I had my head shaved and all of a sudden this is something to be ashamed of while I am in Hong Kong?
Okay, that's got nothing to do with ageing, but the unwanted remarks hurt just as bad.
I have been told by many that 'I don't look my age' when people found out I am 50. So what exactly does a 50 year old woman look like? And if I don't look my age, which is 50, how old do I look?
And why is it that you should never ask a woman her age? What does that imply?
'You look great!' (for my age?)
'How do you manage to look so young? What is your secret?' It is in my genes!
'How can I help you, young lady?' Why can't you just ask the question without naming me in your perception of who I am?
'So you are now 50 years young.'
'60 is the new 30'. What the hell?
'Old dogs can't learn new tricks.' I might not be born with an ipad in my cot but aren't we all trying our best to keep up with the latest technology?
Don't you ever use the words 'adorable' and 'cute' on me. Show some respect!
Words both spoken and written are powerful; they could be the highlight of your day or leave a bitter taste in the mouth. And I don't tolerate demeaning older people with so called compliments.
Let's not kid ourselves, we live in an ageist society where women automatically 'become' invisible at a certain age and those between 18-28 are admired and idolized. These young ladies are going to get old too (of course unless they are dead before they hit 30) mind you so it is vital that women across the age spectrum need to address the issue of ageism starting young. Language loaded with rudeness, hostility, and condescension has permeated the very fabric of society globally and it is never too soon to address the harm and infliction to our psyche by re-wiring our mind to choose civility over disrespect. A different choice of words has the power to create a new frame of mind.
According to the statistics, people are living much longer these days and we were told that this is a problem or crisis in the daily communication media. Watch the advertisement. Read the magazines.
Are you drawn to the beauty brands with an anti-ageing formula?
Are you gullible enough to even dream of going under the knife to make yourself forever young as botox promised?
Let's face it. There is no potion or surgery which can possibly reverse your biological clock and it is just plain wishful thinking especially if you have a ton of money to burn. Why can't you just accept the fact that we are all getting older by the second, celebrate mature beauty and embrace the benefits of ageing? Be cool about your age as there is nothing to hide. I have even tattooed my birthday on my neck for everyone to see! There are so many words circulated in our everyday communication such as: mature, of a certain age, senior, boomer, senile, crone, spinster, pensioner, retiree, and on and on but we are never the label given to us, we are just an older woman, compared to those who are younger that us. Period. On the other hand, we are not ageless because the word itself connotates a negative situation which is just not true. Nobody can be ageless. And to be ageless directly means ageing is something to abhor, if nothing else.
Personally I have always been an independent woman, self-sufficient, authentic and down to earth, a high achiever and go-getter, bold and daring. I certainly would't to be put into a box of incompetence, debilitation and dependency. I want to die with respect and dignity, not a pound of flesh without a mind of my own. Having a problem with authority since the beginning of time, I do not put my life into the hands of medical practitioners, nor my parents or anyone who claims superiority over me regardless of my age. I have had half a century of real life experience and I prefer to trust myself and to hold on to my autonomy until my last breath.
In French, Quel age a-tu? literally means 'What age have you?' And I interpret it as how much experience you have so far. I like that.
4/02/2019
Welcome to my Blog!
Born way back in the Stone Age, I am not cut out for the frantic pace of this society of rat-races and blatantly fail to keep up with the technologies. I need plenty of solitude and space, at least 8 hours of shut-eyes to stay sane and regular doses of spontaneity to stay alive. This is not a selfish act but a self-preservation practice. I have no choice but to accept my physical limitations as I age and decide to let go of things and people that no longer matter for my wellbeing. There will be health challenges of all sorts to face and overcome. Accepting the downside of ageing is probably the first thing we need if we were to carry on existing, and it is okay to be older.
Nobody wants to grow old (and why exactly is that?) and the only way to prevent ageing is for our lives to end. Not that I haven't tried. Seriously. There are people who did exactly that to avoid the consequences of ageing but it wasn't that easy, trust me, so we might as well find and live a purposeful life if our time ain't up yet. I admit I have the means to live but no meaning to live for, which is simply sad.
Growing 'old' was the last thing on my mind 30 odd years ago when I was blooming and basking in all the attentions a pretty girl could ever imagine getting and death was such a far out phenomenon that I never spent much time pondering about. Well, having just turned 50, I have decided it is about time to become visible again and re-invent my screwed up life from scratch. This blog is one of my healing tools for myself and you my audience who find yourself mired in this grenade, buried alive in a society which caters only to the 20's and dodges women of a certain age like a plague. I write because I have something worthy to say and would like to share with women in a similar situation, to encourage you to love and care for yourself because you matter. I matter as I am writing this. My writing is a service to a community of women which gives me meaning and purpose. Please join me to heal the world of ageism, one heart at a time.
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