Physically I am no longer as robust and nimble as I were 20 years ago. My errands mainly include visiting the chemist, doctor appointments and the likes. My energy levels have dropped quite significantly and I need more rest than ever these days. My back gives up on me after standing for a period of time before I need to sit or lie down. I get sick more frequently than ever as my immune system has taken a nose-dive, not to mention all the unpleasant symptoms that come menopause.
On the other hand, there are the intrinsic benefits from reaching midlife. We no longer worry about getting the male gaze or relying on being the centre of the spotlight to be confident about ourselves. We have developed resilience overtime without knowing it; we aren't dead yet are we? We have developed reasonable expectations (or without) and know that we cannot possibly have everything so we get to prioritise what we do want and what is feasible. Saying no is almost a no-brainer as we are more focused on how and with whom our time is spent.
As I write for this blog, it is a joy to share the resources acquired from a lifetime of world experience, wisdom or not. I am happy to impart my very own knowledge that have accumulated from the years of living, despite inevitable losses. I want to share with you my readers that we are not too old for anything except having a baby or climbing the Everest. We can definitely start a career and have the freedom to do whatever we wish, knowing our physical limitations and obstacles we need to overcome. I have been a lifelong learner ever since my graduation from uni but I doubt another degree in law or medicine is in the pipe. I have written and self published a book but I doubt I'll ever get another book published due to the cost involved (but an e-book might be in order). Travelling is still on top of my priority list and I strongly suggest midlifers to take as many trips as possible while you are still physically strong and able. Make use of your innate gift and talent and make something out of it, will you? (Why do you think I am writing this blog and launching my podcast?) There are dreams which haven't manifested as yet but they are still viable as long as you are kicking and alive!
Change is the only constant and uncertainty is the only certainty. Midlife is simply another phase of transitions which can be uncomfortable and my remedy is to keep learning something new to re-build my self-esteem. I am now reading a short novel in french which is definitely a confidence booster (albeit a dictionary is within arms reach). My business failure of 5 years is indeed heart-breaking but I have nothing to lose anymore do I? I can be as creative as I want to be without much expectation, knowing full well that there are things which are uncontrollable. And unless you drop dead, there will always be the gap between who we are and who we want to be. Accomplishments are important to me but I am also aware of the fact that nothing I accomplish will permanently change my self-image. I am who I am regardless of the accolades I manage to amass. My definition of success is probably different from you but how I measure my life has a profound impact on my wellbeing. To me it is the freedom of making enough money from being appreciated for what I have to offer, doing what I enjoy doing on a regular basis. You can't take your wealth with you into the grave, can you? I believe that by constantly looking out for possibilities and opportunities may pave the many different paths to where I want to be. Instead of being a critic, I opt to be a prolific creator (i.e. consumer vs creator). I no longer seek love, validation / permission and approval from the world around me but to give them to myself. Being resourceful is the key here. After all the most important relationship in my life is the one I have with myself. I don't compare with others but with my older version of myself. (I have deleted my Twitter and Pinterest accounts without feeling I am missing out on anything substantial!) The most difficult thing is to stop fighting and start accepting, which is still a work in progress. Status quo is something I have been trying to beat all my life. A collective agreement by the majority of people may not be the right one and it is okay to challenge, to question the reality and come up with something of my own (wonder why there are trailblazers out there?). In spite of my failed business, I do believe that anything worth doing takes time and effort and Rome wasn't built in a day! There is a trade off for everything you do in life which it is only fair . Discomfort is the price to pay for anything meaningful. Every one of us has a story worth telling and it is in my interest to share mine with you with this blog.
I am not a person who cares much about routine but it is crucial to acquire a habit, a hobby or a ritual and do it everyday to stay sane. I need my caffeine fix first thing in the morning without exception. I write at least once a week for readers like you. My hobby changes at different points of my life but there is always something I am interested in pursuing. Progress is rarely linear. There are days when I just want to hide under my blankets and what I pour my heart into may not necessarily reward me the result I have expected. I have learnt it the hard way, many times over. We are all taking risks on a daily basis where outcome is unknown. There is no such thing as security especially when the nature takes its course. There is no such thing as the perfect time or the perfect place either as we don't know if there will be a tomorrow!
To recap, ageism is heavily associated with loss and limitations which is true to a certain extent. Milestones are markers of transitions. Change is a constant at any age as long as we are moving forward. So, instead of celebrating the birth of a child, birthdays, religious holidays, anniversaries, there are more to celebrate as we get to a certain age. Let's commemorate the things we may never do again such as getting a law degree, wearing a bikini and bar-crawling, while treating midlife a rightful time to free ourselves of outdated goals, things that no longer fit the current version of us. The older I get the more I can let go of. (That's is how I started on the path of minimalism.) I am proud to say I am now living more authentically than at any time before, letting go of things I 'should' do but focus instead on things I truly want and can do. There will always be firsts to celebrate, lasts to savour and nevers to let go of with liberating resolve.
No comments:
Post a Comment