Tattoos and Skinhead at 50

People get addicted to lots of things.

Smoking, drinking, shopping, new shiny gadgets, cars, real estates, etc...

And I am truly addicted to tattoos. Not that I need to have one every year or so or that I miss the experience of a second degree burn, I simply love the art form inked on my body, knowing that it is going to last as long as I live. Something that truly belongs to me for the rest of my life when everything else is temporary and fleeting.

I had my first tattoo on my 30th birthday as a birthday gift from my then best friend in Australia. Considering it was 20 years ago when technology wasn't as advanced, it was an excruciatingly painful process that lasted 45 minutes. I picked a diving mermaid on my back and I had to go back the second time for the colouring. I was in tears of pain but forgot about it as soon as I looked into the mirror. The decision for the graphic was spontaneous. I didn't think about it before committing to it. Only later did I found out that the symbol of a mermaid speaks to my soul. Under my skin is a being of freedom, someone who is fearless, powerful, unstoppable and beautiful. I am a mermaid.

Fast forward 18 years and I got 2 more tattoos during my sabbatical in Iceland with one of the best tattoo artists in town. Again, I acted on impulse but this time I picked a graphic beforehand, the Tank woman in the Australian movie which I came across in a magazine. I had it on the nape of my neck and surprisingly it wasn't painful at all! It took about an hour and I hardly felt a thing. The result was just brilliant that I booked for another tattoo on my collar bone which is a bar code with my birth date on it. The Tank woman depicts the type of gals I was and still am, and the bar code is simply there to remind me of my existence.

Tattoos are no longer about rebellion, or in any way related to gangsters or the 'bad' people. They are so popular these days and to me, they are windows to the psyche as they tell stories which are so personal and meaningful. Of course there are still people who have negative reactions to tattoos and it serves as a good filter to keep small-minded people out of my life! Why becoming so verbal about it when the tattoo is on my body and not theirs?

Am I going to stop at 3? I don't think so. I won't get one out of boredom or when I am drunk. I would do it when my mood strikes and if something actually catches my eyes. There are still lots of blank canvas spaces all over my body! Why would I care about what others think of me at midlife if I didn't care way back in my 30's. Tattooing is no-body's business and it is something I enjoy from an aesthetic perspective. I am not encouraging you to jump the ship and get yourself booked for an appointment straight away because it could well be another addiction which can costs you a fortune. And it is definitely a no-go if you have a tendency to regret and getting tattoos removed is an ultimate torture.

Read on for another major change...

If tattooing ain't bold enough, I had my head shaved 18 months ago and loving it. I was refused by my hair stylist I had for over a decade to have my head shaved due to all sorts of reasons he could come up with but I never looked back since that fateful day when I just walked in to a salon in Iceland and demanded a shave which lasted about 10 mins top.

I had long hair in my 20's, straight and permed, short hair, pixie cut, layered bob, and had almost every colour of the rainbow all my life. It was never black. My hair and scalp have been brutally subjected to harsh chemicals and expensive hair care products, not to mention the costs of my salon visits. I have always been lazy and hair maintenance is something I tried to avoid at all costs. I must admit most women wouldn't go for the extreme measures and have their hair chopped off especially for a Chinese. Having skin head has been on my mind for eons and trusting my then hair stylist, I stayed put with the routine even though the humidity in Hong Kong drove me crazy. My determination of shaving it once and for all was probably the best decision I had ever made for a long long time.

For someone who is intolerant to heat and prefer a low maintenance lifestyle, going skin head is one of the options. I love the way I look and feel even though I get unwanted stares and verbal attacks from people who are too reserved or conventional, afraid of what others will think of them if they stand out too much. Not me. Why don't men get such remarks being bald and have tattoos on 4 limbs?  I am enjoying the benefits when there is no more salon visits, no more chemical, no expenses on hair care products and I can kiss  goodbye to my trusted hair dryer. The only downside is that I need to shave with a clipper once a week by myself and I am getting really good at it by practice. There is no going back!

I can foresee my hair turning grey / white soon enough but I can assure you that I won't cover it by dyeing. I can look exceptionally stunning with my natural hair if I embrace what nature is deciding for me.Authenticity is important to me. I abhor copycats and I don't depend on a man or my looks for approval. You may want to keep your tresses long or short, straight or curly, without seeking external validation or approval. It is purely a question of personal preference. My advice is to go for a hairstyle that makes you feel confident and comfortable and nothing else matters!

What will you retire to?

I feel I have been 'retired' for years since I last earned my paycheck teaching English. For five years I was surviving on a bit of inheritance from my deceased father while working my ass off starting my own Image Consultancy business which generated zero income and not a single client. Yes, for 5 fucking years! There is only so much in the bank and right now I am about to apply for government aid for the unemployed. This certainly feels like retirement but without the financial backup. I simply can't afford to retire at this stage nor I ever want to!

I am 50, way below the standard retirement age of 65. Retirement has never been a word in my dictionary as I like to feel useful, productive and contributing in some ways to the society. Alas, the situation is unexpectedly different from what I hope to be and no wonder I am depressed as there is nothing to look forward to as soon as I wake up in the morning, fretting about how to kill the time I have before another day is over. I need goals, plans and the flexibility to adjust when circumstances change. I am adamant not to be a retreater or a coach potato.

The word 'retirement' connotes a different meaning to different people. There are as many paths as there are human beings in the world.

• It is about stepping back from the world of work (to pay the bills), engaging with the world away from the offices and cubicles of paid employment but staying connected to their former work while developing new fronts
• It is about relaunch, rewire, reinvent, moving to second / third act, staying engaged/ involved in the world of work with flexible hours and no commute (working from home)
• It is about trying new things, meeting new people and having a different schedule, while pursuing unrealized dreams
• It is about going back to work part-time, freelance or taking up consulting work, while tapping into the creative side of their brain
• It is about upgrading their skills and education to stay relevant
• It is about discovering what really matters and transform their work / personal life into something meaningful
• It is time to relax, taking each day as it comes without agenda
• etc...

I suggest we should start thinking about the ageing process as in changes about how and where we work, how and where we live, and how we organize our personal and social lives. Decision about what to do and when to do it, taking stock of who we are and who we want to be with new found passion, hobbies and possibilities. We need to identify our purpose which means digging deeper, knowing our motivation behind it, and expecting a steep learning curve as we gather our tools and know-how.

I for one don't believe it is too late to change as I believe I can start on a new path at any time. I intend to challenge the status quo, rediscover my interests, and reinvent myself at this phase of my life.I can imagine myself leaping into a new career. I have to examine what I love and have often thought about and asking why I want to change is critical. Albeit heartbreaking to close my business, I need a reboot and a new vocation, something that stirs my soul and speaks to my heart. Writing, podcasting and voice acting are some of the many possibilities I shall explore. Instead of struggling and hating going to work everyday, I am interested in on-going work which is better aligned with my current values and priorities. I wish to connect with a community of like-minded individuals such as participating in face-to-face workshops and courses. I fantasize about using my professional experience to serving my community in new and challenging ways which involves lifelong learning. I want to invest my time following my passion such as creating artwork and selling them. 

There is new freedom when you have new discretionary space, income, time and possibilities. There are new horizons when we have greater focus and clarity about where we want to take the freedom, what we are curious about, how we want to spend our energy and how we are going to move into being useful in a different way. Then there is new simplicity when we decide we don't want complications anymore in our lives. We are all in transition and continue to be so between midlife and our last day. Stay true to yourself. Be strong, vulnerable and compassionate. Remind yourself there is a time to stay back, learn from others and allow others to help when appropriate. Stand up for what is right no matter what. You are a leader born for great things. 

So what will you retire to?

Meno-pause****what is it to you?

Perimenopause.
Menopause.
Postmenopause.
All about hormonal transition, which can last up to a full decade. When you just beginning to think that making baby and getting painful periods end.
Estrogen, progesterone, cortisol, thyroid and testosterone.

You know the drill:
hot flashes and night sweats, anxiety / depression, fatigue, mood swings, sleep disturbances, disordered thinking/ brain fog, loss of energy and motivation, dry eyes, sore joints, headaches, tender breasts, nausea,heart palpitation, reduced muscle mass, low libido, incontinence, and weight gain (and possibly many more)

Menopause is a time of mental, emotional and physical upheaval. Mine started a couple of years ago and it is liberating to have dead ovaries. No more heavy periods, PMT and migraine, to name just a few. So much for being a woman. Specifically, it means speaking my truth and stopping that need to feel responsible for the happiness of others. I feel at peace with my age, with what I have done / accomplished, and with who I am.

Every woman goes through menopause differently. I was considering taking HRT and phytomone cream for the sake of keeping the symptoms at bay. My mom was lucky to ease through the stages with hardly any symptoms at all. She simply can't understand why I experience awful sadness and inexplicable weeping. There are days when nothing interests me and all I wanted is to sleep away the day as much as I can.

To combat the unpleasant symptoms, I am starting a high vegetable and fruit diet (mediterranean-style). Weight gain is another most common byproduct which can be resolved. Avoid food that increase insulin (especially when I am a type 2 diabetes) and opt for veggies and lean protein instead. I have to focus on portion control and have everything in moderation. Other ways include: avoiding long hours of sitting and getting up frequently. Hydrate regularly with cold water and go to the bathroom when you need to clear your bladder. Stretching or a quick walk work wonders if you are not into the gym.

I am not a breakfast person but for the sake of speeding up my metabolism, I tend to eat fewer high-fat food, less total calories and have frequent smaller meals during the day. I take Melatonin to sleep and I practise art and writing and listen to music to reduce stress.

Another term for menopause is 'midlife crisis'. To me it is more like an opportunity as it is about discovering the application of our greatness. I almost always discover motivation via inspiration from other women in their fifties who have found fulfilling work. Changing my perception of what is happening while turning a crisis into a transformation to a better me is what I am trying to master.

So how are you coping with your -pause?

Skin care for women 50+

I still remember owning my first set of Clinque skin care 3 step package 30 years ago. I was wearing make up at the time and I knew by instinct that getting my grime off every night was paramount to  flawless skin which I so associated with attractiveness. As I got older, I decided to eliminate makeup in its entirety and my money went to purchasing expensive skin care products. Being an explorer that I am, I would splurge on anything that caught my attention and there is no surprise that I have a full cabinet of skin care products of different brands, and I change products according to the season/ weather and what I feel my skin needs at the time.

At 50, my skin tone is the first thing that I notice that ages. My skin is rougher, extremely dry, ultra sensitive and more fragile. I have small lesions from time to time and there are occasional dark spots scattering all over my face and neck. Yes I am concerned but it is a fact that our skin lose elasticity, and the fatty issues under the bone features when you hit midlife. In order to rectify the problems without seeing the pro, I decided to change my skincare routine and stick to it regardless:

I wear sunscreen ( La Roche-Posay dry touch gel-cream with built in sunscreen 50+) during the day when I go out.  Make sure the product contains at least 7% zinc or titanium oxide and have an SPF of 30+.
I use moisturising lotions in summer and cream / balm / oil based moisturisers in Winter. Facial oil is my favourite especially in air-conditioned confine as my skin absorbs the oil rapidly leaving it smooth and nourished without feeling greasy.
I tend to avoid using soaps and water based cleansers on my face as they strip away the natural oil and make my skin end up drier. I have tried hundreds of cleansers before (I don't mind being a guinea pig) and I only go for the ones that make my skin feel soft, supple and clean (not squeaky clean like the Korean / Japanese brands!). I keep my Luxe micellar water and cotton pads with me in my totebag in summer for a light cleanse throughout the day when pollution prevails in a city like Hong Kong.
After a lot of trial and error, not to mention the amount of money invested, I decided cleansing milk or oil are the best for my dry and maturing skin as they don't disturb the skin's Ph balance. Exfoliation is part of my twice a week routine and I swear by the Vitamin C range microdermabrasion scrub from the Body Shop.  I do apply a mask (Swisse charcoal mask) once a week for deep cleansing while adding moisture.
As I am constantly confined in air conditioned rooms one way or the other, I use a serum after shower followed by either a richer night cream or oil (I love Argan and Sea Buckthorn, alternating with NYR Frankinscense oil) which contain skin repair ingredients for a more intense hydration effect. Just a few drops on your palms and massage all over your face and neck.  A serum is not a moisturiser. Go for the ones with your particular concern and purpose:
hyluronic acid for hydration,
vitamin C or antioxidants for brightness,
retinol to smooth lines,
peptides and niacinamide for firmness

To be frank, I don't believe in anything that says 'anti-ageing' or 'age-reverse' because they are just psychological manipulation by companies trying to sell their chemical fuelled products to women who buy the phoney idea of 'forever young'! There is no way to go back to our youth but we can still be confident and looking fabulous. I don't even wear make up okay, and all I am hoping is to look healthy and keep my eczema at bay. There is no one size fits all solution for mature skin because our complexions and bodies do differ. What's more, our complexion reveals the effects of genes and history of lifestyles which are unique to every one of us. You may opt to simply follow a basic routine including a cleanser, serum and moisturiser with SPF upon waking and a cleanser, (matching) toner, serum, and moisturiser or oil before bed. You would know if a product is working when you see how easily the product is absorbed or how good it feels on your face.

If you can afford a bit more on the skin care department, go organic . You can tell the difference within days and you certainly deserve it!