Are you Alone or Lonely?

I am 50, single, living alone, and loving it. I know this is not for everyone and it could be a stigma for some societies when a lone older woman is ostracised as someone unattractive, undesirable and even insane.

Being unattached could be a nightmare for some but an absolute bliss to me. I enjoy my freedom too much.

I am alone but not lonely. There is a huge difference between the two.

I never travel with anyone. I hate checking in with others. I need the space and be able to do whatever I want when I want, without having to compromise. That is my definition of travelling.

Do I miss sex? No. I had my fair share in my 20's. Occasional fling when I travel? Yes.  But not good enough to sacrifice my very happy single state for. I have stopped looking since mid 30's as the reluctance to look for love by somebody outweighs my need to find anyone who would fit into my life without ruining it. I prefer to think of myself as strongly independent. I love the spontaneity that being single allows. I get to live my best authentic life on my own.

I have learnt to be happy in my own company since I was little and as I am now much older, my self-containment and sufficiency have somehow crossed the line into being set in my ways. I like coming home to my own quiet sanctuary and not having to check in with anyone, fighting over what to have for dinner or the remote control.

My only concern is that there will be physical challenges to overcome sooner or later. My best bet is that I'll either move into an elderly home or become actively involved in communities which offer welfare services and programs to older women, while using technology for social interaction. There will be internet forums and facebook groups to hook up with like minded souls. Senior co-housing with friends would be something worthy to check out if you like the idea of living in a community with lots of privacy, costs less than living in a nursing home or assisted living.

I have been wondering about the people in my life who I counted as friends. What constitutes true friends and why we have different friends and/ or amount of friends at different times of our lives?The meaning of friendship changes throughout our life span. Friendship requires effort and nurturing. I used to be fiercely loyal to my circle of friends during my uni years but unfortunately we have drifted apart as we lead different lifestyles. We are under no obligation to bow endlessly to the wishes of another person. The world doesn't revolve around your friends and life goes on regardless. A friendship needs to be sustained by vivid interest on both sides. I no longer manage to have a decent conversation with those who are married with kids.  We speak a different language and losing interests in each others' lives is the culprit. We are no longer who we once were. Yes, I have saved the memory of my former best friends to my memory bank but I have to accept that some friendships are not meant to last forever.

We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path for a reason. Think of the population and your encounter with the few out of the billions. Romantic or platonic,  not all encounters are supposed to last forever. I have met a lot of 'bridges' in my life, they were there as a stepping stone, transporting me to the next level of my life journey. I came to know myself so much better after a 7 year relationship with a man whom I never had the intention to marry. Then there are 'road-blocks', they came to delay me into something better if I could just use a little patience. I have many 'teachers' throughout the years and they are there to teach me important life lessons. I have had heartbreaking experiences and there are the 'angels' who appear in my life to protect me in times of difficulties, needs and desperation. Some people are 'guideposts', representing and symbolising something that I want. And finally there are people who are my 'tribe', who see me and accept me for who I am , those who are here to stay for the long haul. So I suggest you consider the role each one of your 'friends' plays and be willing to let go when the time comes. You will always have yourself for support!