The language of ageing

I have skin head for a year and a half now and have been wearing a hat of sorts just to avoid the 'looks' I get in public. It is not a norm for women to have skinhead and tattoos all over their bodies where I am currently based. As it is getting unbearably hot, I have no choice but to ditch anything covering up my head which means risking the stares and unpleasant comments on my look.

'How is the chemo going?'

'Have you become a vegetarian?'

What kind of questions are these? I was complimented in Iceland where I had my head shaved and all of a sudden this is something to be ashamed of while I am in Hong Kong?

Okay, that's got nothing to do with ageing, but the unwanted remarks hurt just as bad.

I have been told by many that 'I don't look my age' when people found out I am 50. So what exactly does a 50 year old woman look like? And if I don't look my age, which is 50, how old do I look?

And why is it that you should never ask a woman her age? What does that imply?

'You look great!' (for my age?)

'How do you manage to look so young? What is your secret?' It is in my genes!

'How can I help you, young lady?' Why can't you just ask the question without naming me in your perception of who I am?

'So you are now 50 years young.'

'60 is the new 30'. What the hell?

'Old dogs can't learn new tricks.' I might not be born with an ipad in my cot but aren't we all trying our best to keep up with the latest technology?

Don't you ever use the words 'adorable' and 'cute'  on me. Show some respect!

Words both spoken and written are powerful; they could be the highlight of your day or leave a bitter taste in the mouth. And I don't tolerate demeaning older people with so called compliments.

Let's not kid ourselves, we live in an ageist society where women automatically 'become' invisible at a certain age and those between 18-28 are admired and idolized. These young ladies are going to get old too (of course unless they are dead before they hit 30) mind you so it is vital that women across the age spectrum need to address the issue of ageism starting young. Language loaded with rudeness, hostility, and condescension has permeated the very fabric of society globally and it is never too soon to address the harm and infliction to our psyche by re-wiring our mind to choose civility over disrespect. A different choice of words has the power to create a new frame of mind.

According to the statistics, people are living much longer these days and we were told that this is a problem or crisis in the daily communication media. Watch the advertisement. Read the magazines.

Are you drawn to the beauty brands with an anti-ageing formula?

Are you gullible enough to even dream of going under the knife to make yourself forever young as botox promised?

Let's face it. There is no potion or surgery which can possibly reverse your biological clock and it is just plain wishful thinking especially if you have a ton of money to burn. Why can't you just accept the fact that we are all getting older by the second, celebrate mature beauty and embrace the benefits of ageing? Be cool about your age as there is nothing to hide. I have even tattooed my birthday on my neck for everyone to see! There are so many words circulated in our everyday communication such as: mature, of a certain age, senior, boomer, senile, crone, spinster, pensioner, retiree, and on and on but we are never the label given to us, we are just an older woman, compared to those who are younger that us. Period. On the other hand, we are not ageless because the word itself connotates a negative situation which is just not true. Nobody can be ageless. And to be ageless directly means ageing is something to abhor, if nothing else.

Personally I have always been an independent woman, self-sufficient, authentic and down to earth, a high achiever and go-getter, bold and daring. I certainly would't to be put into a box  of incompetence, debilitation and dependency. I want to die with respect and dignity, not a pound of flesh without a mind of my own. Having a problem with authority since the beginning of time, I do not put my life into the hands of medical practitioners, nor my parents or anyone who claims superiority over me regardless of my age. I have had half a century of real life experience and I prefer to trust myself and to hold on to my autonomy until my last breath.

In French, Quel age a-tu? literally means 'What age have you?' And I interpret it as how much experience you have so far. I like that.